How to Be Human: An Autistic Man's Guide to Life
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- Create Date：2021-05-26 01:16:04
- Update Date：2025-09-23
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- Author：Jory Fleming
- ISBN：1501180509
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Summary
An unforgettable， unconventional narrative that examines the many ways to be fully human， told by the first young adult with autism to attend Oxford University as a Rhodes Scholar。
As a child， Jory Fleming was wracked by uncontrollable tantrums， had no tolerance for people， and couldn’t manage the outside world。 Slightly more than a decade later， he was bound for England， selected to attend one of the world’s premier universities。
How to Be Human explores life amid a world constructed for neurotypical brains when yours is not。 But the miracle of this book is that instead of dwelling on Jory’s limitations， those who inhabit the neurotypical world will begin to better understand their own: they will contemplate what language cannot say， how linear thinking leads to dead ends， and how nefarious emotions can be， particularly when， in Jory’s words， they are “weaponized。” Through a series of deep， personal conversations with writer Lyric Winik， Jory makes a compelling case for logical empathy based on rational thought， asks why we tolerate friends who see us as a means to an end， and explains why he believes personality is a choice。 Most movingly， he discusses how， after many hardships， he maintains a deep， abiding faith: “With people， I don’t understand what goes in and what comes out， and how to relate，” he says。 “But I can always reconnect with my relationship with my Creator。”
Join Jory and Lyric as they examine what it means to be human and ultimately how each of us might become a better one。 Jory asks us to consider: Who has value？ What is a disability？ And how do we correct the imbalances we see in the world？ How to Be Human shows us the ways a beautifully different mind can express the very best of our shared humanity。
As a child， Jory Fleming was wracked by uncontrollable tantrums， had no tolerance for people， and couldn’t manage the outside world。 Slightly more than a decade later， he was bound for England， selected to attend one of the world’s premier universities。
How to Be Human explores life amid a world constructed for neurotypical brains when yours is not。 But the miracle of this book is that instead of dwelling on Jory’s limitations， those who inhabit the neurotypical world will begin to better understand their own: they will contemplate what language cannot say， how linear thinking leads to dead ends， and how nefarious emotions can be， particularly when， in Jory’s words， they are “weaponized。” Through a series of deep， personal conversations with writer Lyric Winik， Jory makes a compelling case for logical empathy based on rational thought， asks why we tolerate friends who see us as a means to an end， and explains why he believes personality is a choice。 Most movingly， he discusses how， after many hardships， he maintains a deep， abiding faith: “With people， I don’t understand what goes in and what comes out， and how to relate，” he says。 “But I can always reconnect with my relationship with my Creator。”
Join Jory and Lyric as they examine what it means to be human and ultimately how each of us might become a better one。 Jory asks us to consider: Who has value？ What is a disability？ And how do we correct the imbalances we see in the world？ How to Be Human shows us the ways a beautifully different mind can express the very best of our shared humanity。
Reviews
Diane
，
I appreciate the valuable information in this book but it doesn't apply to all persons with autism。 Jory appears to have the benefit of available parent（s） and access to privilege many do not， one being financial support。 Every person's perspective is needed to gain insight into Autism - every piece is valuable。 I appreciate the valuable information in this book but it doesn't apply to all persons with autism。 Jory appears to have the benefit of available parent（s） and access to privilege many do not， one being financial support。 Every person's perspective is needed to gain insight into Autism - every piece is valuable。 。。。more
Abigail Stella
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Absolutely extraordinary。 I think understanding more about how Jory‘s brain works is remarkable and very refreshing。 It’s incredible and extremely important to understand why it’s important to live a life without judging others。
Dana Sweeney
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“There are trees in Oxford that have been here for longer than the US has existed。 But you also have all the flowers which are here one day and gone the next。。。 Even if I don’t achieve the legacy of a tree， I can absolutely achieve the memorable joy of a flower。”I was truly delighted while reading this book。 It wasn’t what I had expected; I’d come looking for a traditional memoir with a clear， comprehensive narrative arc。 What we have here is， rather， topically organized transcriptions drawn fro “There are trees in Oxford that have been here for longer than the US has existed。 But you also have all the flowers which are here one day and gone the next。。。 Even if I don’t achieve the legacy of a tree， I can absolutely achieve the memorable joy of a flower。”I was truly delighted while reading this book。 It wasn’t what I had expected; I’d come looking for a traditional memoir with a clear， comprehensive narrative arc。 What we have here is， rather， topically organized transcriptions drawn from many conversations Fleming had with Winik。 The conversations are less focused on pinning down detailed memories from his life so much as they are seeking to see the world from his eyes。 The overall effect is less like reading a memoir and more like sitting on a comfortable park bench with Fleming on a spring afternoon。 It took me a little bit of reading to reset my expectations for the book， but I quickly fell in love with the style and pacing。 Fleming is incredibly generous with readers in explaining areas where he has observed that his thought process and perspective differ from neurotypical people。 His words prompted me to think about a lot of things in new ways， and I was really intrigued by the way he describes his visual thinking process。 He possesses a rare balance of being very wise while also being very humble。 I also appreciated that Fleming was careful to emphasize that this book， and his experience， cannot be universalized。 “The one blanket statement that I can make about autism is that there is no blanket statement to be made about autism。” Finally， I love that his personality got to shine through。 There were multiple remarks that made me laugh out loud （such as the passage where he describes everybody at The University of South Carolina telling him that his support dog， Daisy， reminds them of their own pets， regardless of what those pets are）。 As someone who has spent time with Jory as a friend， those parts really made me smile！ On the whole， I would recommend this book for folks who want a change of pace in their reading and are interested in different ways of seeing & being in the world。 It was really good！ 。。。more
Lynne
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While the author is admirable， the interview style didn't work for me。 While the author is admirable， the interview style didn't work for me。 。。。more
Steve Blackburn
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In How to Be Human Jory Fleming， a young man with autism， tells us how he perceives and navigates through a world "not set up" for people like him。Some background on Jory Fleming - his life so far has contained both difficulties and impressive achievement。 As a six week old infant Jory suffered kidney failure and meningitis。 He later demonstrated developmental issues， and was diagnosed with autism in preschool。 He also suffers from mitochondiral disease， which means he requires a feeding tube fo In How to Be Human Jory Fleming， a young man with autism， tells us how he perceives and navigates through a world "not set up" for people like him。Some background on Jory Fleming - his life so far has contained both difficulties and impressive achievement。 As a six week old infant Jory suffered kidney failure and meningitis。 He later demonstrated developmental issues， and was diagnosed with autism in preschool。 He also suffers from mitochondiral disease， which means he requires a feeding tube for essential nutrition his body cannot take in otherwise。 However， with homeschooling by his mother， Jory began to progress， so much so that he was able to go to college in South Carolina， and then became the first person with autism to get a Rhodes Scholarship。 He recently obtained his Masters in Philosophy from Oxford。The book is structured in a question and answer format with collaborator Lyric Winik。 We learn about how Jory's brain works， differently than that of a nuerotypical person。 He also makes the point that his experience is not necessarily representative of others with autism， as autism is a spectrum and tends to be pretty individualized。 I found the book to be a very interesting view into another type of mind， with a different way of interacting with the world。 In the final chapter the book explores Jory's Philosophy of Life and addresses the title topic of How to be Human。 Jory's discussion of the importance of having a positive impact on the world， and his metaphor of the short-lived flower and the long-lived tree was particularly beautiful。I give How to Be Human 3 Stars ⭐⭐⭐ - I liked it。 If you have a person with autism in your life or are curious about how autism can impact a person's perception of the world， this is a worthwhile read。 。。。more
Robin Meadows
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W O W ！！！ I love this book for giving me a glimpse of another mind; for reminding me that no matter how much we look alike on the outside， we can be very different on the inside - and that's fine and even to be celebrated; and for showing me how much I， as a neurotypical person， have in common with Jory Fleming， who is autistic。 This includes some of the ways he thinks he is different from most people。 W O W ！！！ I love this book for giving me a glimpse of another mind; for reminding me that no matter how much we look alike on the outside， we can be very different on the inside - and that's fine and even to be celebrated; and for showing me how much I， as a neurotypical person， have in common with Jory Fleming， who is autistic。 This includes some of the ways he thinks he is different from most people。 。。。more
smalltownbookmom
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A great look into one man's experience living with autism and the constant balancing act he goes through daily trying to "mask" his symptoms and fit into the neurotypical world。 Really well written and great insights into his life， beliefs， and experiences。 Highly recommend！Favorite quotes:"Jory's story is a window into what it is like to live in a world constructed for neurotypical brains when your mind is not。 It is the story of what it is like to begin each day knowing that you are fundamenta A great look into one man's experience living with autism and the constant balancing act he goes through daily trying to "mask" his symptoms and fit into the neurotypical world。 Really well written and great insights into his life， beliefs， and experiences。 Highly recommend！Favorite quotes:"Jory's story is a window into what it is like to live in a world constructed for neurotypical brains when your mind is not。 It is the story of what it is like to begin each day knowing that you are fundamentally different from every other person。。。it is a memoir into a gifted and disparate mind。""Lots of people are not very good at interacting with other people。 They may think that autism is a disability but at least I'm aware of the fact that I don't interact with people very well。 I see so much anger and I feel like saying， you know what， y'all are disabled too， you just don't know it because you're all the same。" 。。。more
Robert
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I have never felt more "normal" than after reading this book！See， when I was a kid I felt somehow "different" from the other kids。 I didn't "get" social interactions very well and was more interested in reading math books than playing sports。 So I formed this idea that my brain must be wired differently than most people。Well this book just showed me I am very much in the mainstream with regard to how my brain operates。But it also made me think of how weird we "normal people" are:（1） We often rea I have never felt more "normal" than after reading this book！See， when I was a kid I felt somehow "different" from the other kids。 I didn't "get" social interactions very well and was more interested in reading math books than playing sports。 So I formed this idea that my brain must be wired differently than most people。Well this book just showed me I am very much in the mainstream with regard to how my brain operates。But it also made me think of how weird we "normal people" are:（1） We often react with very strong emotions in situations where arguably we shouldn't （such as to a mild criticism， or when one professional sports team of millionaires beats another team of millionaires）， i。e。 in a situation that's not going to really change anything in our lives。（2） We are often so obsessed with social status （Who is cool， who is famous， how other people will judge us， how to impress people， how to get famous， etc。） that we don't even stop and think about why we care so much， it's so automatic。Another thing it made me think of is how differently all our individual brains work， but we often make assumptions that other people's brains must work the same as ours。 And how language can be a very limited tool to communicate what we are thinking and feeling， so we can never really understand each other on a very deep level！“Ships that pass in the night， and speak [to] each other in passing， Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life， we pass and speak one another， Only a look and a voice， then darkness again and a silence。”Henry Wadsworth Longfellow， Tales of a Wayside Inn， 1863 。。。more
Jill Ferguson
，
Jory’s book is now my lifelong manual！！！ As a neurotypical person who struggles to push past emotion in daily work and personal conversations， I NEEDED this book。 Jory’s book is full of tangible examples that highlight mental tools one can use to maintain focus on effective communication and useful problem solving rather than getting distracted by rhetoric。 I am going to start practicing this！ I will always be grateful to Jory for sharing these tools which have given me hope that I can improve！ Jory’s book is now my lifelong manual！！！ As a neurotypical person who struggles to push past emotion in daily work and personal conversations， I NEEDED this book。 Jory’s book is full of tangible examples that highlight mental tools one can use to maintain focus on effective communication and useful problem solving rather than getting distracted by rhetoric。 I am going to start practicing this！ I will always be grateful to Jory for sharing these tools which have given me hope that I can improve！ Thank you！ 。。。more
Al
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This book， a collaboration between Jory Fleming， a young autistic man， and Lyric Winik， is based on a series of conversations between Fleming and Winik。 The words are Fleming's， describing his life and how he has dealt constructively and effectively with his autism to come to grips with his autism and function effectively in a world of neurotypical people。 Winik has worked through the transcripts of countless discussion hours to produce a synthesis of Fleming's ideas and beliefs。 The product is This book， a collaboration between Jory Fleming， a young autistic man， and Lyric Winik， is based on a series of conversations between Fleming and Winik。 The words are Fleming's， describing his life and how he has dealt constructively and effectively with his autism to come to grips with his autism and function effectively in a world of neurotypical people。 Winik has worked through the transcripts of countless discussion hours to produce a synthesis of Fleming's ideas and beliefs。 The product is an illuminating， fascinating insight into the world of autism--or， at least， one high-functioning member of that world。 As such， the book is instructive to non-autistic people and hopefully will be inspirational to other autistic individuals who are working hard to make their own， highly individual way in a neurotypical world。 Every case is different， but Fleming's observations contain much that should be of great use to others， no matter where they are on the spectrum。 An outstanding book。 。。。more
Sharyn Berg
，
Written in a question and answer interview style， this informative book will teach you much about how this particular person， Jory， with autism sees and interacts with the world。 People who are non-Neurotypical are not all the same， but Jory gives us an in-depth look into his mind， emotions， and views from his unique perspective。This book does not read like a story， there is no beginning， middle， and tightly tied up ending， but rather it serves to teach those who would like to learn more about a Written in a question and answer interview style， this informative book will teach you much about how this particular person， Jory， with autism sees and interacts with the world。 People who are non-Neurotypical are not all the same， but Jory gives us an in-depth look into his mind， emotions， and views from his unique perspective。This book does not read like a story， there is no beginning， middle， and tightly tied up ending， but rather it serves to teach those who would like to learn more about autism。 If that is what you were looking for， I would give this book a five， but if you were looking for more of a biographical type book， I would give it a three。 That being said， I will settle on a four-star rating because this book definitely serves a purpose as an educational book on autism。 I would also give a shout out to Jory， for being so patient， thorough， and articulate in trying to explain the way his mind works。 He is a remarkable young man！ Thank you to NetGalley for the advance read copy。 。。。more
Cate Triola
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